I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
