Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?

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(915): View more from Texas

What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.

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(845): View more from New York

well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back

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(604): View more from British Columbia

There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Did you get your crutches off the street sign?

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata

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(516): View more from New York

should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?

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