I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i now understand why vodka
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
