He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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