just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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