Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
