i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
