My Higher Power is John Stamos
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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