wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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