You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
