Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
