I just saw a hot homeless man
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
