just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
