Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Panties = found
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