Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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