Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
