So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
