i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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