So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
