The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
