Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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