Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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