i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
