Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
