thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
