Someone shattered a urinal.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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