I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
