1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
