We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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