Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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