first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
