I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
