That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
