He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
