I smell stomach acid.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize