what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dignity is for republicans.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize