I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
