even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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