Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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