I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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