Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm at about main and main street
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
