I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
