So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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