Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
