I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
