he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I deserve this hangover.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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