How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
