Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
