Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
