The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
