Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
