Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
