Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Vodka?
Forever.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize