Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
