I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
