I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
