Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
