why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
