she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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