my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
