Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
