We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
