remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
