Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
