All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
