he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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