She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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