come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
